Be My Guest, Part I

A few days ago, I posted a blog titled "Be My Guest" asking my friends and readers who did not currently contribute to a blog to write a guest post for me. Today is my first guest! I am so excited to share this post with you. It comes from my good friend who chooses to remain anonymous, so I will refer to him as "B." So ladies and gentleman, please give a warm welcome to Mr B, and his first blog entry....(go easy on him!)

“Grocery Shopping with Cary Grant”

I was thinking last night in bed (as drifted off to the buzz of three Coors Lights) about Cary Grant.  I saw An Affair to Remember recently on DVD and as I watched Mr. Grant charm and woo Deborah Kerr from one end of a cruise ship to the other I thought to myself - ‘Damn, I want a tux, a cigarette case and a boat full of boys to woo!’

I LOVE to flirt, watching a guy wriggle and squirm and get all red in the face really gets my blood pumping, it’s like Christmas and the whole ‘giving is better than receiving’ thing for me – love it.  But the thrill of the flirt seems to be a passion I share alone.  Let’s face it, to most gay guys flirting consists of staring at somebody long and hard with a lascivious look on your face and your tongue hanging out, jaw agape and one hand grabbing your crotch…you know the look I’m talking about fellas, really ugly, and let’s be honest – a little stupid.  Can you imagine Cary Grant pulling that face with Deborah Kerr?  Okay, it’s actually kind of funny when I visualize it, but that’s not the point, the point is I think we gay guys should brush up on our skills and bring back the giggle enticing art of flirting.

For example, I was in the grocery store last week and spotted a beautiful baby (no, not an infant in a car seat – haven’t you ever seen the movie Swingers?) in the cereal aisle while I looked for a good granola, we shared a few glances and I smiled at him.  Notice I said glances – not creepy, rapist-type leers.  I’ll admit he was too young for me, he couldn’t have been more than twenty-something and I haven’t been twenty-something for…well, at least twenty years.   But I digress.  We went our separate ways and then the gods blessed me by fixing it so that I pulled up behind him in the check out line.  He was having a hard time with his debit card in the little card-slider-thingy that was mounted on the counter between us.  “Here” I said “can I try for you?”  He was a little stunned I think, and this is good while flirting because it allows things to happen more spontaneously (are you writing this shit down?).   He shrugged and handed me his card which I wiped once on my sleeve then slid gently through the card-slider-thingy while I prayed to the gods to bless me with one more miracle.  It worked – on the first try.  I handed him back his card and he thanked me, “my pleasure” I said, grinning with a bashful ‘aw shucks’ look.  After the cashier (a teenage boy who was freaking out watching all this) bagged his groceries he asked if he needed help carrying them out.  “No, that’s okay” the guy said.  “Can I help you carry them out?”  I asked (heavy emphasis on the “I” part in conjunction with a frisky wink).  “No, but you’re very smooth” he said, grinning as he turned and left.  I thought the kid behind the register was going to gag and the old lady behind me seemed completely confused but it was still awesome, and sooo much fun.

“Sullen teenage boy” took forever to ring me up so that by the time I made it to the parking lot he was gone, que sera right?  He was too young anyway and maybe not even interested, but I know for a fact he LOVED the interaction and he’ll probably never forget it, and not because I’m so smooth but because gay guys never flirt with each other like that.  Let’s bring flirting back guys – c’mon?   I for one intend to try – I’ll shop for groceries in a tux and carry a gold cigarette case from now on.