Recycle.

Hi friends!

It seems I have been away from my blog as of late.

I wish I could say it was because I have been "ohsobusy" but no. 

I'm unemployed, remember? 

Thankfully, I have finally landed a job, and I start in a month. Couldn't be more excited!

(seriously!)

But, since I have no good blogging material to share (besides the thousands of ideas in my head), I am re-posting what I wrote a year ago today. Because it hits home - then again it would hit home anytime I read it.

So read on.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. 

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. 

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you? 

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched ' Jeopardy ' on television? 

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. 

Because people cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! 

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college. 

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.' 

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. 

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy. 

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Summer

This weekend, my kindred spirit will be visiting me, and we will be doing this

and this

and this

and then I jump on a plane and land here

(Orange County)

Can’t wait to spend a week with my family!

And some friends 

But I guess I will miss this guy…

Legendary.

If God had intended us to follow recipes,
He wouldn't have given us grandmothers.

I've been trying to write this post for over a year now. And every time I sit down and start, nothing happens. It's as if I can't think of the words to express what she was to me, and everyone around her.

Four years ago today I lost my grandma, the only real grandma I have ever known.

I miss her. 

Although I have great memories from the 28 years she was in my life, I feel like the special things are happening that she isn't physically here for. And although I know she was there in a sense, it’s just not the same without her.

She has the greatest great grandkids! I wish she could have watched Kayla grow up. She is the sweetest, most polite little girl. There is always a smile on her face, and she is always making the people around her happy. And Ben, what a smart boy. He has been intelligent since he was able to talk, and such a good big brother to Riley. Riley has the sassiest personality! That girl has been smiling since the minute she was born, and even when she is sick she manages to laugh and play. And little June – although I haven’t met her yet, I can tell she is a beautiful, smart little baby girl.

She missed my sister getting married. One whole year later, its still kinda weird to say. My little sister, all grown up. And at one point during the ceremony I thought about my grandma, and how she wasn't there, and it made me incredibly sad.

I have met the most incredible guy, and it brings tears to my eyes to think she will never be able to meet him, and vice versa. It’s been the greatest 18 months of my life, and I can’t imagine my life without him. He has an amazing family, a good heart, and treats me really well. And I wish she could have been around to see that.

My grandma was a special woman, and I hate to say I didn't realize how incredible she was until she was no longer here.

“She still talks to me now, only now she talks to me in my dreams. And I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight, because we have a lot to talk about. I love you.” - Jamie Foxx, talking about his grandma after winning his Oscar

Family Time

This past weekend the boyfriend and I flew up north to spend some time with his brother and family. Brother was supposed to have surgery to remove his tumor on Friday, but it didn't happen. And we found out Thursday night, after all his pre op stuff had been completed. Its a frustrating story. And it could have made for a bad weekend, but the family managed to make it fun. I played poker (I think I'm getting good), ate TONS of food, learned how to play Yahtzee, threw a little beer pong in, and spent a day taking some more fun pics

It was a good day - minus the tick removal party we had once we got home. But even that seemed to turn out funny. I wish his brother and girlfriend lived closer, I love spending time with them.

S.

"My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors." -Bette Midler

I actually own this shirt.

I bought it for the boyfriend when he dressed up as Clark Kent for Halloween this year, then quickly inherited it back to use as a pajama shirt. I love it, its one of my favorites.

But I need to remember, wearing the shirt or not, I am not superwoman. No matter how hard I try to be.

Im not superfriend.

Im not supersister.

Im not supergirlfriend.

Im not superdaughter.

Im not super employee.

And I need to be ok with it. Which is hard. I like to try and make everyone happy. Sometimes I go above and beyond trying to please everyone, or fit everything into a schedule, only to find my spirit completely worn down. And its not like I don’t enjoy the attempt at being superwoman.

I love seeing my friends.

I love bonding with my sisters.

I love being with my boyfriend (when I get to).

I love spending time with my parents.

I love who I work for.

But in the end, I need to remember that I love me too. And sometimes taking a vacation from these things is much needed. 

Speaking of vacations, the boyfriend and I are in desperate need of one. Even a mini spontaneous one. Things have been crazy in our small little world, and I feel like we've been run ragged and we're going to crash (into each other, thats my fear). If only money grew on trees.

To my friends who read this blog, please don’t think Im trying to disappear! Just don’t take it personal if I somehow work up the ability to say “I cant” in the next few weeks coming up. Don’t worry, Im still here. Ill be back to my superfriend self soon. 

Unconditional.

Ive had a pretty interesting week, emotionally. While celebrating my friends nuptials last Friday evening, we found out the boyfriend’s brother has a brain tumor. Im supposed to be the strong one in this situation, holding him up allowing him to break down. But I was quite the opposite. I was a bawling mess, and he was comforting me. Standing out on the dance floor, dancing to the couples dance, crying my eyes out, for the wrong reasons given the time and place. But to any strangers, I just looked like I was crying tears of joy.

The situation has since taken a turn for the somewhat better. Its looking like everything might be ok, but at the same time, its still a scary situation. We’ll know more in the coming weeks.

I wasn’t going to talk about it here. We have the support of our good friends and family. But then I realized, although virtually, your thoughts and words can often be comforting to me. Strange, considering I wouldn’t know if I was standing next to you in an elevator. And yet, I feel like some of you could be a good friend, if we ever met.

Its funny. You never realize how much you truly love someone, until something happens to their immediate family, and it completely rocks your own world.

Liz Tells You What To Read, Volume 1

Old readers, you all remember my 12 year old sister, Liz. New readers, you can read about her here. My sister is seriously 12, but if you read her book reviews on goodreads you might think otherwise. I always look forward to Liz giving a smashing review on whatever book she is reading (and were not talking tween stuff here. Her and I swap books). So I decided to give her a "column" on my blog. When she is done reading a book, she must review it for me here. So with that being said, I give you the first edition of.....

Today's book of choice, The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Take it away, Liz.

Liz said: " If I was to say only one thing about this book I would say it isn't just for teens. Actually I think practically anyone could read this book. Personally, I love when you can relate to characters and in some ways I did relate to the main character,Ch...more If I was to say only one thing about this book I would say it isn't just for teens. Actually I think practically anyone could read this book. Personally, I love when you can relate to characters and in some ways I did relate to the main character, Charlie. Honestly, I can see why people judge this book. It does have drugs and sex(seriously what T.V. Shows don't these days?) but anyone who just looks at that aspect of the book is a narrow minded person (no offense).
To summarize this book I would say it is an easy read with great one liners that you'll enjoy if you have an open mind."

Yes, friends. She is only 12 (13, actually, in 18 days). 

Just Be.

In this bloggie blog world Ive learned to adore so much, you come across so much good material. And even better, so much inspiration for material of your own. Its funny how you can be thinking about something, and you read someone’s thoughts in their own blog that relate exactly to whats going on in your head.

I pretty much stalk Chelsea Talks Smack for that reason. But, after her post  today, its safe to say Im not the only one who feels this way. Like I said when I gave her my creative outlet award, she has a crazy way of speaking (or typing) exactly whats on your mind. So I thank her today for giving me the inspiration for todays blog...

I want stories. Im one of those people who envisions myself in my old age, sitting in a chaise lounge telling my grown up grandkids "stories." Stories of my youth, why I have a Chinese tattoo on the back of my neck at the age of 65, where I met their grandfather and the day I fell in love with him, the day their mother/father was born. That crazy roadtrip I took or that time I decided to drop everything and go to Europe. Ok those last two are things I see in my future, but you catch my drift.

I'll admit in the past year, Ive felt like I had nothing going on in my life and needed to step it up.  I was getting close to 30 and needed to have something to show for my life. I felt like I had no stories to tell. No college days of drinking and blacking out, no high school first love. Just me, trucking along in life, making ends meet. So I decided to go back to school, make lots of plans with my friends, travel anywhere and everywhere I could. And when this year ended, I realized I was exhausted. From life. From trying to have a life. And then I realized where I was at thisexactmoment. I've got nothing on my plate right now. I love my job and dont needto grow in it. Im taking a couple photography classes next semester but dont feel the need to dive full time back into school right now. I love my boyfriend and the place we are in right now. Im not getting married, having babies, going on vacations, stressing at myworkplace, avoiding family because they are crazy. Im just be-ing. And I dont think Ive ever been more happy.

So looking back at my life so far, I realize that although it hasn't been glamorous, I have stories of my own. Stories Ive built from love and heartache, from good times and from bad. And Ive got plenty more life to live to create small little memories that turn into stories I tell one day. Because the best part about hearing stories from my grownups isn't necessarily how I relate, but the look they get on their face or the glimmer in their eye from reliving that moment all over again, for you. My favorite quote of the minute is "The harder the life, the sweeter the song." Something I'll tell my kids and grandkids when they freak out that life isnt going according to plan. And like my grandma with "this too shall pass" I have a feeling this quote will be my new life motto.

Rain.

Here in So Cal when it rains, every news channel has an update on “Storm Watch 2009!” Its almost pathetic, but not as pathetic as the people who suddenly forget how to drive the second the first raindrop hits their windshield. Ill admit, I drive a little more cautiously as well, but I don’t turn into an idiot. Im sitting here thinking “man my toes are cold” (duh, Im wearing thin flats) while reading things from my friends like V braving the first winter snow in Chicago, my sister waiting for the ice to melt on her windshield in North Carolina, or Dyanee glad she got her errands done yesterday because today its -12 outside in Montana. And yet, I still kinda want to move there.

Today is a slow day at work (when isn’t it for me, I know) but I just cant seem to open up my book and read, I keep staring out the window and daydreaming. Im feeling very grateful for random things. I know, we just celebrated a holiday filled with this sort of thing, but the Christmas music playing on my laptop and the cold nipping at my toes is just getting me in that kind of mood. I started to think of all the random stuff I appreciate that never would be something I would put on a list of things Im thankful for. Mostly they are things that make me happy, even if its just for a moment….

• My BFF/roommate likes to whistle and sing when he is alone, even when Im sure he has had a bad day. I bet he has no idea it always makes me pause and smile
• Kim’s laugh
• My nephews voice when he says “see you later” which sounds more like “see you waiter”
• The fact that The Boy always runs warm, whereas I always  run cold, and how he knows to warm my feet without me even asking
• Also when he kisses the palm of my hand
• When my dad calls me with a dirty joke
• Gatorade after a night of drinking
• A good glass of red wine
• Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese. Everyone must love this one.

And last but not lease (drumroll please)…the sound of the rain.

Hope everyone is having a good winter! What are your random thoughts of happy?

I wanna know what love isssssssssssssss….I want you to shoooooow me!

No, this isn’t me belting out some undying news about my current love life.

Yes, this is a blog about people asking me for love/dating advice.

If you know me, you should be laughing by now. If you don’t know me, well laugh anyways. When it comes to dating or relationship advice, I sure think I can dish it out but I cant take it and I might possibly be the worst example to follow. I'm neurotic, I over analyze, I cling, I try and fix, and if the poor sucker makes it through all this, I do a big ol switch-a-roo at about 6 weeks and push away, criticize, find everything possibly wrong (why is your middle toe longer than the other?) and then finally decide they are all wrong for me and we never had chemistry in the first place. There are usually 2 types of scenarios in my dating world. The guy I move too fast with (usually goes along with the over analyze/cling part) and we all know those guys don’t stick around once they have gotten their cake (sorry mom if you are reading this. I promise I'm not a hussie) and then the guy that’s probably perfect for me (this is usually the 6 week guy, and I never let them see me sans clothing).

All of my good friends and family know this about me. So why is it suddenly 2 people in my life are suddenly turning to ME for dating advice? And sadly enough, its actually WORKING for them?

I think its because I'm finally in a relationship lasting longer than 6 weeks (almost doubled!) WITH a guy I probably moved too quickly with (thanks for sticking it out) and these 2 people are thinking “if it worked for her of all people, she must know SOMETHING that can make it work for me). Because these 2 people have some of the same dating patterns I do. And I'm not mentioning names for a reason.

Ill wrap this up so it doesn’t turn out to be like a drawn out journal entry. Bottom line is this…I guess when the right one comes along, there is no need to go back to your old patterns. Ive found someone who doesn’t make me neurotic, doesn’t give me the chance to even think about over analyzing. He has his issues (and oh boy so do I) but we don’t try and fix what the other doesn’t want help fixing in themselves already. I don’t want to push him away, I have no desire to criticize anything he says or does (yet) and I actually like his toes (eventhough he has monster size 15 feet with hair on his toes you could comb over – sorry babe if you actually read these things).

So my words of advice to my mom and sister (oops, did I just out you?) Just relax and have a good time. Don’t think too much, and just be you. Because there is a crazy guy out there that will like you and your weird quirks. Its like the saying "always show the you in you that makes you the you that you are."

And to the lucky guy I get to wake up to most mornings…I promise I'm not as crazy as I made myself sound here. Im lucky to have found you, and you are the best thing that has happened to me.

And to my BFF who I KNOW is going to rip this to shreds – go easy on me.