There are two reasons I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy.
Now before I continue with this post, I just want to say Im not a lover OR a hater of the show. I just stopped watching.
It always made me cry, and it always enhanced the fear I wrote about here. The crying, it didnt bother me too much. But mixed in with the fear of losing someone I love, or putting off some unusual symptom only to find out I might die too young - somehow it became too much for me to handle. (ok, the storylines got a little blah, too).
It might be the same reason I stopped watching House. And ER, once upon a time. And why I wont watch that new Jada Pinkett Smith nursing show. And why I even stopped watching Scrubs, now that I think about it.
I made the mistake of turning on my Netflix for Wii, and seeing Grey's Anatomy Season 5 in my instant queue. I dont even remember adding it. But I sat down, and hit play. Three episodes later, I texted my sister to share my new knowledge as to why I abruptly stopped watching Grey's. She said "worrying will give you cancer."
Could be true.
I know, Im weird. But if you knew me, you would know that Im not a worrywart. Or hypochondriac. I just have this feeling, this completely weird feeling that there just has to be something wrong with me. Yet I put off going to the doctor, because I dont have health insurance. Then I put off getting health insurance because I dont have the money for it (I know, bad decision. I know. So you dont need to comment on it).
Watching the show is different this time though. I dont cry over the horrible love story thats been going on for way too long (Im not a Meredith fan). I dont cry because someone has an unrequited love for someone else. I cry because Im so f'ing afraid that something unfair is going to take me away from the people I love too soon.
So I shut it off after the 3rd episode, brought the boyfriend some leftover chinese food on his break, kissed him a few extra times for good measure, came home, bawled my eyes out for reasons I dont know, ate a bowl of ice cream...and now Im going to shop for health insurance.
Because 30 & 3/4 is too young to worry, and worrying might cause wrinkles, and Im too young for wrinkles, too.